Meet your new best friend.

Bertrand the pet rock is ready to rock your world!

Unfortunately, I cannot keep him anymore - so I am looking to find a new owner to take him in.

Ownership History: He is approximately 4.543 billion years old. I've only owned him for about 2 weeks, so I don't know everything about him. That's yours to discover!

Likes: He likes long walks in the forest, listening to Aphex Twin, and making origami.

Dislikes: He dislikes the dark, being told he's a bad rock, and the movie "Armageddon".

Care Instructions: Please make sure to feed and water him twice daily.

About once every 1,500,000 years - he goes in heat. Please make sure you keep him away from small animals and children, or he will embarrass himself.

PS: sometimes, when he is sad one or both of his eyes will fall off. This is okay. Simply glue them back on with superglue.

This is being sold as is; despite my best efforts, I have yet to find a way to warranty a pet rock. Sorry.

Location: U-3-2 L10-T10 3647756919 BLCK

Other: Under absolutely no circumstances let him see a pickaxe, or even say the word "pickaxe" within earshot. I warned you.